Imagine strolling into Dandelion Chocolate, greeted by a line that might dampen anyone’s spirits. But then, a barista, not even on order – taking duty, catches your eye and asks about your drink of choice. You mention iced chocolate chai, and in an instant, she waves you to the front, whips up your order, and says those magical words: “It’s on the house. I think you come here a lot.”
The catch? It was only your second or third visit to that particular location, and she’d never been there during your previous stops. However, there was a spark of recognition. As it turned out, she used to be the manager at Samovar, my beloved tea house for many years. While we may not have had in – depth conversations back then, we’d shared a dozen or more small, fleeting interactions. And now, after six or seven years apart, that faint connection led to this unexpected act of kindness.
This wasn’t an isolated incident. When Hawaii reopened to visitors after over a year, my first stop was Poke Market. The moment I walked in, I was greeted with a warm, “Hey! Haven’t seen you in so long! Half brown rice half cabbage, yeah?” Then, at Kula Shave Ice, they didn’t charge me for the Haupia coconut cream I always get on top, simply because they remembered me.
These experiences made me reflect on social skills. I’ve always been hesitant to write about them, feeling like it might come across as bragging. There’s this ingrained notion that social skills are an inherent part of who we are, unlike other learned abilities. We don’t think twice when someone says they worked hard to master tennis, but when it comes to being well – liked, it’s often met with suspicion. It’s ironic, considering social skills are, indeed, a skill – one that I once lacked entirely.
At its core, social skills are about making others feel good. People gravitate towards those who make them feel comfortable, heard, and valued. So, how can you cultivate the skill of having store employees treat you well?
The foundation lies in genuine engagement. Whenever you interact with staff, look them in the eye, offer a smile, and engage in real conversation instead of rattling off a scripted order. It sounds simple, yet it’s astonishing how many people miss this basic step. All too often, customers treat service workers like voice assistants, barking out orders without so much as a glance. True, they’re paid to take your order, but what a missed opportunity for a meaningful connection!
Good interactions often start with gratitude. Every time someone serves me, I’m reminded of how lucky I am. They’ve woken up early, dressed for work, dealt with their bosses, and waited patiently for customers like me. All I have to do is walk in and make a request. It’s a privilege to live in a society where such services exist, yet most service staff rarely receive the gratitude they deserve. That’s why I make it a point to say thank you, sincerely, for every little thing they do.
I also strive to be specific in my gratitude. To an Uber driver, I might say, “Hey, thanks so much for being up early enough to take us to the airport. We really appreciate it.” To a flight attendant, I’ll express, “Sorry for bugging you and asking for hot water all the time. I know you’re busy and I really appreciate it.”
Customer – facing employees often spend their days in a cycle of impersonal interactions, getting little in return. How disheartening that must be! When they encounter a friendly, engaged customer, it can be a breath of fresh air, perhaps their only chance at a real conversation all day. So, even if the topic isn’t of great interest, being a willing listener can work wonders.
By following these simple steps, you’ll not only be treated better in stores but also be treating others with the respect and kindness they deserve. In a world filled with impersonal, transactional relationships, standing out as someone who values human connection is truly special. And who knows, you might even score a free hot chocolate or two along the way.
Just like my experience at Formocha in Amsterdam. After seven long years, when I returned, the owner, Amanda, remembered me. She welcomed me in for a four – hour tea session, prepared lunch, baked a cake from scratch, and sent me off with amazing tea, refusing any payment. While I’d love to take credit, the truth is, her kindness was the real star of the show.
So, the next time you step into a store, remember: a little bit of genuine interaction can go a long way in brightening someone’s day and creating a memorable experience for both of you.
