For as long as I can remember, marriage has been a topic that has intrigued and perplexed me. I’ve held a multitude of thoughts on the matter, yet I’ve hesitated to pen them down. I wanted to wait until I had more years of marital experience under my belt, until I felt I had truly grasped the essence of this sacred union. And while I’m acutely aware that there’s still an ocean of knowledge and experiences yet to be discovered, I believe that six-plus years of a stable and blissful marriage is a milestone worthy of reflection. If I had to distill the secret to a successful marriage into a single sentence, I’d say it boils down to one simple yet profound truth: the key to a good marriage is being your partner’s unwavering teammate.
When I first met my wife, there was an immediate sense of camaraderie, a feeling that we were on the same team from the very start of our relationship. One particular incident stands out in my mind as a testament to her incredible spirit of partnership. It was a time when we were either newly married or still engaged. I had to travel to Hawaii to purchase a property, and I reached out to a few friends to see if anyone was interested in joining me. A close female friend of mine, with whom I had a long – standing platonic relationship, agreed to come at the last minute. I made sure to run the idea by my wife first, and she gave her consent.
However, during a layover, I received a call from my wife, and I could immediately tell something was wrong. She had been speaking with someone who didn’t know me, and upon hearing that I was traveling to Hawaii with another woman, this person had suggested that I was having an affair. At that point in our relationship, the seed of doubt was easily planted. I couldn’t blame her; from an outsider’s perspective, the situation did look suspicious. To make matters worse, we didn’t live together yet, and my friend had been visiting me frequently in Vegas. My wife hadn’t even met her, so she had no way of gauging her character.
The few days in Hawaii were filled with an awkward tension. I was excited about the property purchase, but my mind was constantly preoccupied with the situation back home. I knew my wife was suffering, and it was difficult to resolve the issue from a distance.
When I returned, we had a long and heartfelt conversation. I promised never to travel alone with a woman she hadn’t met, and in return, I asked her to approach the situation with an open mind and give my friend a fair chance. I had my doubts, based on my experiences with other relationships, that she would be able to remain objective. But my wife surprised me. She took the initiative to set up a lunch with my friend, and after meeting her, she realized there was no threat. Since then, my friend has become a regular part of our lives, and I’ve traveled with her many times. This incident perfectly encapsulated what it means to be a teammate in marriage. My wife was protective of our relationship, but she also respected my friendship and was willing to find a solution that worked for both of us.
But being a teammate is just the beginning. Another crucial aspect of our successful marriage is that we’ve crafted a relationship that is uniquely ours, far from the mold of a typical, cookie – cutter marriage. For instance, we spend about half of our time apart. She joins me on roughly a third of my trips, and when I’m in Vegas, she’s there about 80% of the time. We cherish the time we spend together, but we also value our independence. This balance makes our time together feel even more precious, and there are times when absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. Even our dining habits are unconventional; we often cook and eat separately, a practice that once led a relative to question the authenticity of our marriage. But it’s a routine that suits our schedules and preferences perfectly.
Financially, we’ve chosen to keep things mostly separate. We’re both in a comfortable position where we don’t rely on each other’s income, and we relish the freedom to make our own purchasing decisions. I don’t want to have to justify buying a pinball machine or supplies for my latest project, and she doesn’t want to have to ask permission when shopping or sending money to her family. That said, we’ve both invested in a joint account to cover our household expenses, and the interest from this account takes care of the bills each month. It’s a system that gives us the best of both worlds – combined finances with individual management.
Our marriage also adheres to fairly traditional gender roles, with a few interesting twists. While my wife takes care of the laundry and dishes, I handle the maintenance of the house, fund and execute most of the improvements, and usually take the lead on major decisions. However, I’m the one who arranges the flowers and designs the interiors, while she’s the bug – slayer in the family. She’s also a far better host to our guests than I am. And although our finances are separate, many of her financial investments have been inspired by my suggestions. I don’t think traditional gender roles are a necessity for every couple, but there’s a reason they’ve endured through the ages – they often create a harmonious balance.
In our marriage, we believe in giving freely, without keeping score or trading favors. There will inevitably be times when one of us can contribute more than the other, and our contributions will always be different in nature. But we’re building a life together, not engaging in a transaction. This approach has created a beautiful cycle of giving, where her selfless acts inspire me to do more for her, and vice versa. In contrast, when couples start keeping tabs on who’s doing what and arguing about fairness, it’s a clear sign that something is amiss.
We also made the decision not to sign a prenup. It wasn’t something that crossed my mind until my wife brought it up. In my view, if I don’t trust my partner to treat me fairly in the event of a divorce, then I shouldn’t be marrying them in the first place. I see a strong incentive to choose the right partner as a positive thing. Of course, I also understand that different couples have different needs, and I’ve seen examples of prenups that were designed to protect both parties fairly.
One of the things that makes our marriage truly special is how rarely we argue. We might have a disagreement once a year, if that. Our biggest “fight,” which I described earlier, was resolved quickly and amicably. Over time, we’ve become masters of conflict resolution, and even during those rare moments of tension, we emerge from the situation feeling optimistic and more committed to each other than ever. I can’t fathom how couples who argue frequently manage to maintain a healthy relationship. The work in a marriage, I believe, should be focused on building the relationship, not constantly repairing it.
From the moment we met, it was clear that we shared a common set of principles. This alignment was, for me, an absolute must – have in a serious relationship. We agreed on matters such as finances, having children, where to live, and our priorities in life. As a result, we’ve never had a single argument about these fundamental issues. While we didn’t initially have many shared activities, I’ve made it a point to seek out hobbies that we both enjoy. For example, after having a great time playing pinball at a friend’s house, I built a virtual pinball machine at home. Now, our arcade room is filled with five pinball machines, and we have a tournament every night. When she expressed an interest in skiing, we got season passes and make the most of every opportunity to hit the slopes together. Principles are deeply ingrained and difficult to change, but finding shared hobbies is a rewarding endeavor that can strengthen any relationship.
Despite our love for independence, we also value the routine we’ve established together. In Vegas, we go about our individual activities until the afternoon, and then we come together to play pinball, swim, and relax in the spa. These shared moments are not only fun but also provide a chance for us to open up and talk about anything on our minds.
I consider myself incredibly lucky to have such an amazing wife and such a fulfilling marriage. These are my personal insights, but I’m also aware that I’m perhaps on the “easy mode” because of my wife’s wonderful character and her unwavering commitment to our relationship. I can’t even begin to imagine my life with anyone else. For those who are considering marriage or are in a relationship that needs some work, I offer this advice: focus on being true partners, create a marriage that reflects your unique personalities and needs, ensure your principles are in sync, and give your all to the relationship, trusting that your partner will do the same.
